Oh, For the Love of Hair!

Of course I have much gratitude for the mop atop my head,
A backup cushion when I sleep when no pillow for my bed.
It’s also nice when snow and ice will cover all the ground.
And if long enough it softens every loud, obnoxious sound.
I’ve often wondered, though, if hair’s more trouble than it’s worth.
Some styles all but reduce me to silent, shaking mirth.
I’ve thought that some dos might be wired for radio.
That kid nodding his head, does he hear his favorite show?
It makes me pause, to wonder how some have such a graceful neck,
While holding up such weightiness; how can their spine not be a wreck?
If I had no hair I’d need not care for shampoo that might spill.
My showers would be half as long; I’d save on my water bill.
If I flipped my head around, there’d be no hair to block my sight.
This makes me feel that hair itself might be anything but right.
I realize I’m often thought to have been mentally hard-walled,
But I’ve had a revelation! Why don’t we all just go for bald?!
We’d save on gel, shampoo, conditioner and perms not least.
We’d never have to focus each morning on taming the beast.
Just think of how much time we’d save, to do something else instead.
We could take up morning yoga, we’d have time to make the bed.
I’ll have a chat with the president, he’ll change the law because I called.
‘Fellow Americans, it’s official, we will now be boldly bald!’