The Influence of Joey

I was hiking with the scouts one day,
Hiking quickly, we couldn’t delay.
It was really hot and we really smelled.
Anyone we passed, their noses they held.
We were hiking in Canyon Lands Park.
Then water was heard, everyone did hark.
‘Twas the Colorado River right by the trail.
The thought of a bath everyone did hail.
All present went in, one after the next.
Each screamed in turn, their pride a wreck.
But all seemed glad that they’d ventured out.
I chose to as well, though I couldn’t help but pout.
I waded in, till it was up to my waist.
It was so cold they laughed at my face.
I was trying to work up the courage to submerge.
But I couldn’t, the cold around my middle surged.
And then, bad luck, I felt like a stone.
I couldn’t dunk or get out- I felt quite alone.
‘Twas then uttered the powerful command.
“Do it for Joey, oh thou worthy Slice Man!”
I’m proud to proclaim, I’m proud to say,
I completely dunked in the undunkable that day.
Because of the command, that binds all Anti-rice-
Do it for Joey, O thou worthy Man-of-Slice!