‘Have you not noticed, Adialon, that your life has been one miracle after another? Have you not noticed that every time you are close to death, something happens to keep you breathing? That every time you are surrounded by the darkness and yet keep going, your life is saved by the light at the last moment? How many times, Adialon?’
‘Innumerable,’ he muttered. ‘Of a truth, innumerable.’
‘Then how can you doubt that God will carry you in this, as he has in times past?’
He shook his head slowly. ‘I do not doubt that God will carry me; I know that he will. It is my strength to endure that I doubt, for I can bear my pain no longer.’
‘Your wounds will heal, Adi,’ she said softly.
‘I speak not of this flesh and bone, but of the spirit within them!’ he cried. ‘It is torn and shredded, bruised and battered; no mortal balm can possibly grant me healing!’
‘And you have used your miraculous bird to carry a message to our Father God? What message did you send Him, Adialon?’
‘I have begged Him to take me Home! To strike me down by His Almighty hand and take me to His bosom!’
‘Oh no, brother! Say not that you have thus tempted God!’
‘It is how I feel! Would you rather that I lied to that Being who knows all? He has commanded us to send our prayers on high, and I shall obey.’
‘We pray in gratitude and humility, brother, we pray that our wills may align with His,’ said Melorelah as she finished bandaging his arm.
‘I can no longer accept His will,’ he said bluntly. ‘I have been pushed beyond what I can endure. I was giving my all, my utmost, to do the tasks that were mine to complete, to give thanks to my Father in Heaven, to share my hard-earned light with others, to be the example to our brothers and sisters in the village. And after all of that, when all I want is to return Home, I am still here.’
‘You are focused, entirely too much, on death, Adi. It is destroying you, slowly and painfully, every moment. Focus on life! For your own sake, focus on life! There is still much you are called to do. Your ending may be soon, but you must find something to live for while you are still here. Your eternal welfare depends upon it!’
Adialon mumbled something.
‘What, Adialon?’
‘I know it,’ he repeated. ‘I am trying to find something to live for.’
‘I think you will find it the more you continue to try,’ she said encouragingly.
Adialon was silent for a moment. When he spoke, she had to draw even nearer to hear his whisper.
‘I may have stumbled upon it.’
‘What have you found?’
Adialon again became silent. Then he turned to her slowly. ‘Do you remember when we were children? Do you remember how the elders would take each of us aside at times and speak with us, about our feelings, our thoughts, our hopes and fears, our dreams?’
‘Yes, I remember that very clearly. It was good for all of us, I think. It helped to connect the younger generations with the older.’
‘Yes, it did. We were taught to be mindful of them, of our thoughts and feelings.’ He paused. ‘The elders were especially interested in our dreams, I remember. At least, they were very intrigued by mine. I remember some of them, mostly the younger set of elders, who were frightened by my dreams and what they might mean, as though they thought they were more than just dreams- visions, if you will. But the remainder were intrigued by them. They would question me for upwards of an hour at a time, having me describe my dreams, sometimes going over the same dream, or one part of a dream, over and over. I did not realize it at the time, but once I started having dreams, people in the village began to treat me differently, somewhat. It was as though they did not know how to act around me.’
‘It is true, Adialon,’ Melorelah sighed. ‘Some of us were frightened, some awed, and some inspired. You helped to shape the course of the entire village.’
‘Were you frightened by me?’
‘No. You were my strong, powerful, indestructible older brother. I was proud of you then. I am more proud of you now, for it takes great strength to share your wounded heart with another, no matter how close.’
Again Adialon looked at her strangely. This time Melorelah caught it.
‘What is it?’
Adialon shook his head. ‘We were speaking of my dreams. I had them less and less as I gave away my Heart of hearts. And on the eve of the day that I gave away the last piece, I had my last dream. I will tell you what I dreamed, if you wish to hear.’
Melorelah nodded.
‘I dreamed that I was in a shimmering fog, like a cloud of light. I was walking through the fog, it seemed an interminable length of time, when I came to the realization that there were others in the fog with me. I could somehow feel them near. After another lengthy period, the light-fog began to gather into human-sized shapes. Soon they began to solidify into real people all round me. As I walked among them, trying to talk with one here, another there, I came to another realization- they could not sense me near. After walking among them for a time- unheard, unseen- I felt someone’s eyes on the back of my head. I turned to look, and there he was, a boy unlike any I had seen. Like many of those among whom I walked, he was dressed very strangely, in a loose, multicolored robe that hung open at the top, and leggings the color of water. But unlike all the others, he looked right at me, and I knew that he could see me, for pure intelligence flowed between us.’
‘Pure intelligence? You could see into his mind?’
‘And he into mine. I felt as though my mind were laid bare before him. Such an experience I have never had.’
‘But who was he? Why were you the only ones to see each other? Why did he look only at you?’
‘The boy may have seen the others who were there; I did not see that far into his mind. And I do not know who he was, except that I felt a kinship with him. But his mind! What an incredible thing it was.’
© 2010 by Adam Scott Campbell. All rights reserved.
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